No Return
by madalyn.elaina
Summary: April gets hurt, and since she is tainted, What's the point? The point is, no one can really save you unless you want to be saved. Set in Season 7... around episode 9 I guess. First time writer :)
1. Party in the USA

A/N: I don't own anything. This is also my first try at a Fanfiction, so let me know how i am doing _please_, I will try to update tomorrow.

Owen Hunt was running the ER with an efficiency that only a soldier could accomplish. Being the chief of surgery limited his time in the place where his passion was, he had to take his time there when he could. So when he got the call that there was an incoming trauma, he was excited. His adrenaline was pumping and he was ready for the high that only saving a life could bring.

As the ambulance door was opening he was told, "27 year old female mugging victim, multiple stab wounds to the stomach, minor facial damage, and possibility of sexual assault." Hunt froze. He knew those scrubs. They were Mercy Grace Seattle West resident scrubs.

"Do you have an ID on the victim?" He knew who she was, even being unconscious and having a swollen face. But at that moment he prayed that it was anyone but the socially awkward redhead that had become a pillar for the people of his hospital.

"She was awake when we arrived and was able to identify herself as April Kepner, Doctor, it's our April." It didn't surprise Hunt that they knew her, Kepner was sweet, she had wanted to be able to support everyone.

"Make her Jane Doe on the board nurse. Page Dr. Bailey, , and Altman to OR 1. Make sure that the Gallery in locked, under no circumstance is that door to open. This is a closed procedure." He spoke with a calm authority that he didn't feel.

"No interns, no residents." he added as a side note. She deserved to keep her dignity, to keep her privacy. He wouldn't let anything else be taken from her. The seconds it took him to get her to the OR seemed longer than any moments he had had since returning from Iraq. He was met by Sloan in the scrub room.

"What have we got?"

"27 year old rape victim with facial injuries and multiple stab wounds the the stomach, it's-"

"Why do you need me now? I have work, I can fix her up during her post ops."

"You're in here because I trust you and April Kepner is not going to have her face as a permanent reminder of tonight. Got it" Owen knew that Sloan would care, that he would take the time to fix her, to make her face look like _her _face.

"God Dammit." Miss sunshine wasn't catching a break. "She'll be fucking perfect, I swear to God." He had never worked with her. Sloan knew that she had been the brunt of most of the jokes that Lexi was making to try to make herself feel better. He knew that Derrick thought she had potential, and that Avery thought of her as his closest friend. She was important. The only person who didn't know that was probably her.

They got to work. Hunt had to control the bleeding. When Dr. Altman joined she was instructed to do the rape kit. "Dr. Hunt there was an abnormal amount of bleeding here, but there seems to be no sign of open wounds, I-"

"Kepner is a virgin," Bailey interrupts, as she offers her assistance to hunt who was about to remove her unsalvageable spleen. "Thats why there is blood. Because she was waiting and wanted her first time to be special. She was a virgin." She knew everything, and at this moment she wished she had never heard this piece of gossip about the vulnerable girl on the table all fell into a mournful silence. Unable to speak as they worked to preserve the girl that had become one of their own.

"Is there anything else for me to do, rape kit is complete. There were definite signs of brutal sexual assault," She almost choked on her last words. This was Kepner, the Mercy West girl who she had tried to build up, and then forgot about her as soon as she heard the name Christina Yang. The one who never begrudged her for that. The one that they all has underrated.

"Hold her hand." It came from Sloan. His statement surprised them all, "She deserves to have her hand held. She needs to know that we care. Even if she is asleep" He was emotional, they could all hear the tears in his voice.

"How about we plug her IPOD in? It was in her purse. I think she would like the music." Teddy moved to plug it in at Baileys suggestion. As she pressed play to whatever song she had last been listening to they all smiled soberly .

"_So I put hands up they're singing my song and the butterflys fly away"_

Teddy joins in, "_Nodding my head like yeah,"_ and eventually Sloan and Miranda join her . As they work to her soundtrack they sing the songs that they know, and talk to her during the ones they don't. Trying to make her know that they were with her, that she was safe. That they were going to take care of her.

"I am calling in a favor, she will be treated as a VIP, only us in this room will be allowed to be in and out of her recovery room until she decides how she would like to proceed. In the meantime this need to be kept from everyone who was not apart of her treatment. I was informed that Reid was her emergency contact, but for now as her employer i am the stand in. She should wake up soon so we are going to take our cues from her. Do you three understand?" They all nodded in agreement. "Lets close".

"_My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me." _

A/N: Suggestions are welcome, this takes place at the beginning of season seven, before Jackson and Lexie. So yah.


	2. Prepared

**A/N: Still not mine, please let me know how I am doing :) xoxo**

**Chapter 2**

None of the doctors slept after their emotional surgery. Dr. Bailey had divided them into shifts, they all readily agreed; none of them had wanted April to wake up alone. Teddy fought her tears as she held the hand of the redhead, not knowing how to let go.

XXX

April Kepner was in pain. The kind that seeped into your bones and never left, the kind that made even the strongest weep. For a moment she had left her eyes shut, refusing to give into the desire to look at the streaming lights. She was mentally planning, going over the details in her head, deciding what steps she would take once she was discharged.

She felt prepared as she opened her eyes, she _would _be prepared. Prepared to give a short and accurate account of what had happened. Prepared to go back to normal. What she was not prepared for was the sight of Sloan sitting next to her hospital bed.

"Morning Dr. Kepner," the head of plastics said to her as she did her best to smile. He reached for her hand, and then berated himself when she swiftly pulled it away.

"Hello Dr. Sloan. Are the police here for my statement yet?" Sloan was confused. There was no room for argument with her tone. She was not frazzled or emotional. He was thankful that he didn't have to explain what happened, that he didn't have to prod at her to figure out what she had remembered. He grimaced, ashamed that he was _glad_ that she remembered, that she knew exactly what was taken from her.

"Hunt is on his way. Would you feel more comfortable with Bailey or Altman with you?" Now it was her turn to grimace.

"Who knows?" It was then that he saw the fear in her eyes, the shame, and the vulnerability. It was gone as soon as he had seen in.

"The ambulance crew that brought you in, Nurse Garcia and Spencer, Hunt, Bailey, Altman, and myself. No one else knows unless you want them to. You have our is going to be her in a minute, would you like me to page anyone to sit with you?" He repeated the question for a second time.

"I am fine, actually if you don't have the time to be here, I would be totally fine on my own." She needed him to believe her. For him to be willing to forget about it, so that she could forget about it. She suppressed a sob that almost made it out of her throat. She put her best possible smile out. " I don't need a babysitter." She laughed weakly.

Damn it. She thought that this was his assigned role. That the only reason he or any of the others would stand beside her would be out of obligation. "We are here because we care, because-" He was cut off with the opening of the door. _Because you are family._

"It's good to see you awake April. Do you have any questions for me about your surgery?" The normalcy felt good to him. It felt like it wasn't one of his own in the hospital bed. It made him feel that today could be a normal day.

"Nope, I just want to know when I can make my statement and get out of here, I now get what they mean when they say that doctors make the worst patients." It almost sounded like Kepner's normal chirp.

"They have someone on the way to talk to you. You should know that you are an official Jane Doe in our registry and that there is a guard outside of your door to prevent anyone other than myself and the other personnel that were on your surgery to come into your room. They are currently taken bets on whether or not you are a famous model or a world leader. You should be ready to go home within a couple of days."

He wasn't about to try to understand her deflection, between her and Christina, woman who have faced tragedy were a mystery to him. His pager went off, the police were waiting. "I'll be back in about five minutes, would you like to have us page someone? Miranda or Teddy maybe?"

"I am fine with . Thank you for the closed room thing," she swallowed the lump in her throat. Knowing that she had a reason to be grateful for the extraordinary measures they took to protect her privacy. He nodded to her with a grim smile as he left the room.

Mark was tense as a deafening silence fell over them. He looked April, and he wished he knew her well enough to know what to say, what to do.

Surprisingly she broke the awkward silence, "What did you tell my roommates when they noticed I was gone? I would like to have my story straight." Sloans silence spoke volumes. They hadn't asked.

"They didn't notice." It was said as a fact, as though she felt silly for thinking that they might have been worried.

Sloan felt angry then. Angry with Mer, with Lexi, with all of them. None of them had the decency to care for the one who had went to moon and back for them. Before he could respond , they were once again interrupted by someone entering the room. The woman and man in blue greeted them both, and as soon as they asked April their first question she grabbed Sloan's hand. He squeezed it lightly, to let her know that she was not alone.

"It was thursday. I was covering a shift so I couldn't get to the cemetery early like I usually do. I go on thursdays. Reid hated thursdays, she always thought that they were like false fridays. We would always do something fun on thursdays. I didn't want her to be alone, I promised that we would always have thursdays. I couldn't just not go".

Mark shut his eyes. He wanted to leave the room. To send someone else in. Somebody who actually knew her and that would know how to handle this. Someone who would have the words to comfort hurt. He took a breath. He let it out. He continued this mantra during the entire questioning. Unable to do nothing but breathe and hold her hand.

**A/N Let me know if you have any questions :)**


	3. Homeless

A/N: Not mine :) I just have my ideas... Let me know how I am doing :)

**Chapter 3**

April knew all the textbook answers. That was something that had always annoyed Bailey. Now it made her feel murderous. No woman was textbook. No woman would be okay with what had happened. No woman could get out of this untainted. She wanted to snap something with her bare hands. If she heard "_I'm fine", _one more time.

It had been 48 hours since April had been moved from the ICU to recovery. The breakdown should have happened. In the past 4 days Kepner has not shed one tear. She would know they had all been comparing notes. Between herself, Sloan, and Teddy she was never alone. Even the paramedics had taken shifts with her. The last thing that any of them wanted to do was leave her alone.

When Miranda walked into the room she could hear the strained high pitch voice that belonged to April Kepner, " Mom I am fine, just a black eye and some stitches. I just really need you to send me my birth certificate so I can get the ball rolling on a Drivers License. Yes mom no more riding the bus, or walking through cemeteries at night. I get it. Yah I got to go. Me and my friend Heather are about to go bowling. Love yah to, kay bye."

April's eyes shut for a fraction of a second. She had never lied to her mother before, but it had come from her lips with an ease she never knew that she could possess.

"Lying to your mother Kepner?" Bailey shook her head at her resident. "Mothers always know when something is up. It is our thing."

"It's not really any of your business Dr. Bailey. This is nobodies business. No ones but my own. You all need to stop babying me. It happened. I know it happened. You guys just all need to back off." April had snapped. The only emotion she was letting herself feel was exhaustion. She was tired of the hovering, of the constant inane chatter of those around her, she was tired of the ache.

"Okay then, what you should know is that they will discharge you this morning. Kepner you can go home. Teddy Altman has volunteered to drive you home. If that is to your liking," Bailey tried her best not to bite back at the red head. She was just lashing out. It was healthy, it was however, not April Kepner.

April smiled shyly, amused by the sass that came from Dr. Bailey so naturally. It felt good to smile but it was short lived. Hunt walked through the door holding her discharge papers.

The man who had seen countless wounded, who had survived getting shot, could not even look at her in the eye. She wasn't surprised. She was the thorn in the people of Seattle Grace Hospital sides, since the moment they merged with Mercy West. April had caused Webber, Derek, and Hunt nothing but grief. The quicker they got her discharged her from the hospital the quicker all of them could get back to their normal lives. The lives that didn't involve taking care of her, she would be fine, she would show them that she could be _strong. _She would be _strong._

* * *

><p>The ride to Meredith's house was gave April a sense of normalcy, as a child she always rode shotgun. Between her and her sisters she was the odd girl out, while her sisters played 20 questions in the back seat of their family all American four door, April was in the front reading novels about the great wide somewhere. She had no book with her, but listening to Teddy talk about her surgeries, she felt comfortable.<p>

"So I know I haven't exactly been a good friend to you since the merger but I just want you to know if you ever need anything, I am-"

April cut her off, refusing to be a burden,"Dr. Altman it's not a big deal, at all. I mean you were my resident, and now you have new people to look out for and teach. I don't really have an interest in cardio. If anything I am sorry that you ever felt like you had to hold my hand."

April took Teddy's silence as agreement. She turned up the radio. Singing along softly to the Top 40 station that Teddy had on a low hum. She mentally went through her list of chores. She would start laundry first, who knows how many days in a row Jackson had been wearing the same socks. Then she would go to the store, Alex had probably long ago finished off her groceries. She tensed at the thought of taking the bus, but it was light out. She could handle the afternoon, it was a slow tuesday. It wouldn't even be a big deal. Maybe she could go to the sporting goods store at the mall. April would felt it would be the responsible thing to do, buying some pepper spray for her key chain. Not fatal, but very effective if she was ever again in her current situation.

It was over though. There was no longer any sort of situation. She was fine. Her stomach had healed and she was going back to Mer's house. She swallowed hard and took the moment to breathe as Teddy parked her car in the driveway. Her hands felt sweaty when she put them on her door handle. Teddy grabbed her free hand before she could open her door.

"Call me as soon as you need something. Your phone is in your purse, I programmed Sloan, Miranda, and my phone number's into it. I also made sure that Bailey would call you as soon as she had your schedule for next week. But if you need anymore time let her know. She will work with you. And also-"

"Teddy. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'll let you know if I need something. I am think you would be able to tell if I were upset." April interjected. She didn't need her to worry. She didn't want her to worry. She nodded and smiled reassuringly at he coworker. She took one step out of the car. She mustered her strength. She was ready to stand. April shut the car door.

* * *

><p>Hardly an hour had gone by since she had been at the house, and she was already exhausted. her arms felt like lead as she finished folding a load of the house's whites. Apparently she was the only one in the house who knew how to separate colors. She almost collided with Jackson on her way up to deliver the clothes.<p>

Jackson Avery took note of April's frazzled appearance, "Hey were you able to check on the peds case I had texted you about?" He was on Starks rotation and he knew his only was to fly under the radar was to be perfect.

"I didn't have time, sorry. Why don't you call peds reception and ask a nurse?" April hoped that he would take the bait and have no more questions for her.

"No worries Apes, wanna come to join me and some of the others at Joes, apparently it's Christinas new hangout." Jackson offered. They had kept missing each other this week and he wanted to spend some time with her.

"Jackson, I am so exhausted. All I want to do right now is sleep. You should go though. Have some fun." She pushed her way past him and bounded into her room. When he heard the door lock he frowned, then shrugged. He figured this is what it was like living with a woman; PMS happens.

* * *

><p>Mark Sloan woke that night to the sound of his phone ringing, and was ready to curse whoever was interrupting his sleep. He answered the unknown number with a gruff, "Hello."<p>

" This is April Kepner," Sloan shot up and was already searching for his keys as asked her what she needed. "I know I probably woke you but, I was wondering if maybe you could come get me and take me to the hospital. I can't really explain right now. But I just need a ride."

He was at the house in minutes. Kepner was on the front porch with a duffel bag slung over shoulder. He didn't ask her any questions as she got in the car. He was fine with not knowing. Not that he wasn't curious. He was.

"It's not home. Mer's house is great, but it's not home. What sucks is that Ohio isn't home either. I don't think that I have had a home in a really long time. It just took me being _fucking raped_ to see it." The venom in her voice wasn't what shocked him, it was the crude phrasing of it. Kepner hated curse words. Even during their limited interaction he had seen that.

"What are you going to?" Sloan asked as he pulled up to the front of the SGMW hospital. He didn't think April had ever not known the answer to this question. This was proof that there is a first time for everything.

"I'm going to find an empty on call room. Lock it, and try to sleep. The rest is for tomorrow." She smiled bitterly ready to exit the car when Mark locked the door and pulled out of the hospital drive. "What are you doing?"

"I am taking you to my apartment building, where I happen to own my whole floor and have just had a tenant leave. You are going to take the keys to that apartment and go inside. You are going to lock the door behind you. Go into Arizona's room and sleep. In the morning we will talk about the rest. But you are not going to sleep in at the hospital. Any questions?" Mark expected an argument. He expected her to balk and refuse to take his order.

April was silent before nodding. She knew that Mark wasn't going to budge. It also helped that she knew no one would be able to overhear the nightmares that she was sure would come. _So much for being strong. _Mark was insightful though, "Accepting this isn't making you weak, if anything this is making you _stronger._"

Laying in the strange bed that night she couldn't help but wonder if the others would notice her empty bedroom, or that her toothbrush was missing from beside the sink. She wanted a call from Jackson, demanding to know where she was, she would settle for him being cusious. Nothing came, and eventually the silence lured her into a fretful sleep.

**A/N: I am so encouraged by the response of this story! Please continue to review and let me know what you are thinking. Especially if you think I am being insensitive to any subject matter. xoxo**


	4. Driving

**A/N Thanks y'all for sticking with me, this one is important for the development of the story and doesn't have major plot points.. I don't own anything. Longer A/N at the bottom :) **

April had always had the habit of waking up early, so when she noticed that the cock next to the bed read 10:08 am she shot straight up. She had slept erratically that night. She had awoke multiple times soaked in sweat, her throat aching from screams she couldn't prevent from escaping.

April showered and was grateful for her insight to pack all her toiletries. As she scoured her skin with hot water and soap she prayed for the feeling of being dirty to go away. She scrubbed till her skin was nearly raw. April got dressed as quickly as possible after stepping out of the steamy bathroom and into the chilly bedroom, still not comfortable with scars, with her nakedness.

After putting her jeans and Ohio State sweatshirt on she took the time to explore the apartment. There was no way that she could afford anything like this. If Mark really wanted to help then he could help her find some place smaller. April would never have guessed that Mark Sloan would want to be her ally, even if it was temporary. She wouldn't pretend that she didn't appreciate it; it was nice to know that someone had her back. Even if it was coming from the most renowned flirt in the medical world.

Her stomach growled and April sighed. She couldn't remember the last time that she had the energy to eat. At the frat house she had slipped into the role of feeding others so quickly that it would make her cranky Grammy Kepner smile, because that's what Kepner woman did, they fed people. So she cooked for the others, she did what she was supposed to do to battle tragedy, she armed herself with a whisk. She snorted, she had done nothing but take away a pizza boy's tips and halt Jackson's impending heart attack by a few hours.

She jumped as she heard a knock at the door. April breathed, knowing that the only person it could be is Sloan. Still, she checked the peep hole, making sure it was him, not wanting to have to deal Girl Scouts or Mormons. Seeing Mark opened the door.

"Morning sunshine. I brought coffee." Mark Sloan knew Arizona and Callie had left nothing when they went to Africa. "I also may have brought some breakfast, you're not a vegetarian are you?" He started to empty out the to-go bag and April's stomach grumbled at the aroma of bacon.

"Mark, I was raised on a farm. I ate my first pet." Sloan let out a full bellied laugh at her response. "He was yummy too. Caleb the cow. He was a great listener." April smiled as she reminisced.

"I don't think that is normal Kepner. Help yourself. I figure that we can go shopping for real groceries later. The faucet in the kitchen is leaky so I'll have to fix that before I go to the hospital tonight. Did you leave anything at Meredith's?" He knew that she was going to fight him on this, that she would try to refuse, claiming that she wouldn't want to be a _burden. _

"Mark listen, it's really kind of you to try to help, but I can't afford this place. I just need to find someplace cheap and near the hospital. If I could crash for another couple of nights, until I find something that would be great, and I can even clean this place up in exchange. If you don't mind me-" She trails as off as Mark glares at her.

" Listen Kepner. I'm trying. I'm trying to help. I think for once you need someone to help you. So I am going to do it. Not because I feel obligated. Not because I pity you. I want to help because I can. I know that I don't know you very well, but you deserve more than what you have been getting lately. I am currently reserving the right to help you. Even if you don't want it. Okay?" He stunned her into silence. Mark almost laughed at the deer in the headlights look on her face.

"Okay," she smiled sheepishly at the. "But I am going to need you to be more specific about how you would like to help me."

"Well to start with you are staying here now. This apartment will become your home. Your rent will be 100$ a month plus utilities. You will not argue about it. You will also not ride the bus anymore. The hospital is literally across the street and someone will drive you anywhere else that you need to go. Any questions?" He sounded like Mrs. Shepard even to his own ears.

"What's my curfew dad?" April quipped.

"It's good to see that you haven't lost your humor Kepner. But seriously if you need anything ask." She nodded and shifted on her heels, "Just ask Kepner."

"God, I cannot believe that I am asking you this but will you. Could you. Can you teach me how to drive. Please."

**A/N Thanks again guys... Anyway, Glad you are all enjoying the Sloan/April friendship... I kind of like it. A Few of you have mentioned jealousy. Totally going to happen. More from Lexi than Jackson though. I do however have one question, what do you think about April already being aware of her feelings for Jackson? I kind of like the idea. Anyway thank you all. My goal is to update regularly on Tuesdays and Fridays... The frequent updates are just me getting into the swing of things**** :) xoxo**


	5. Trauma Certified

A/N I really enjoyed writing this chapter, some people own this but I am not one of them... Please review :)

Jackson was confused to say the least. It had been 14 days since April had told him she was moving. '_Jackson I just need my own space,' _it was unsettling. April was one of the most social people he knew. She never needed 'space', she didn't avoid talking to him. He shook his head as he made his way to the locker room, hoping to catch the red head before she had time to blow him off.

"What's going on April?'' He said when he found her finishing the knot on her tennis shoes. She let out a tiny yelp and stood up wanting to ask him what was going on with _him. _

"I don't know what you mean Jackson. Now if you don't mind I have to go do some post ops for Dr. Bailey." April moved to go around him, but Jackson was not going to be derailed.

"We need to talk, did I do something? We haven't talked lately and I just need to know if I did something. Or if one of the others did anything?" He rambled hoping she would tell him what to do to get back to the way things were usually.

April took a deep breathe. He shouldn't have to worry about her. Jackson was a good guy, even if he was only being nice to her out of obligation. "Jackson we're not friends."

"What do you mean we're not friends? of course we're friends," Jackson thought that he was a pretty relaxed guy, put now he felt that he was about 20 seconds away from a panic attack.

"Jackson I get it. I needed someone after the shooting and you felt that you had an obligation to protect me. But Jackson we're fine. I'm fine. You don't need to feel like we have to be friends just because we lost Percy and Reed. You have your own life and you don't need me to pull you down." She patted him on the shoulder as she took his silence for agreement. April smiled grimly as she left him in the empty locker room.

A feather could knock him over. _Pull me down? _April was the only thing that was keeping him up. How could April think that she meant nothing to him? She was his best friend.

As the other residents entered the room he struggled to keep his face neutral. When their pagers all went off five minutes later, they all groaned at the 911 page. Jackson sighed, it was going to be a long day. _Fuck. _

* * *

><p>April followed Hunt closely as they prepared for the onslaught of Ambulances on their way to the hospital. This was her first time on his rotation and she had been looking forward to the distraction of learning something new. She had been distracting herself a lot lately which was good. Her mother had always said that idle hands were the devils playground. It was probably out of context but it worked for her justification.<p>

She was coordinating with the nurses when she saw it on the news. _Multiple Gunman. Open Fire. College Shooting. Several wounded. Possible casualties. _April couldn't help, she leaned over the nearest trash can, unable to keep her breakfast in her stomach. Someone had come up behind her and held her hair back. She put her hands on the sides of the bin as she threw up again. She shut her eyes and breathed deeply, mortified about her reaction to the tragedy. The hand rubbing her lower back surprised her, telling her "Shhh," as she continued to dry heave over the can. Turning her head to the side April grimaced as she saw a pair of familiar Nikes.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." She was polite as she stood up straight.

"No worries, just being a good _friend."_He looked at the red head pointedly. It was on the tip of his tongue to berate her. To defend himself to her. To defend their friendship to her. He may have, but then he caught sight of the news playing behind her.

"Shit. So thats why you got sick," he remarked as he pushed down his own feeling of sickness. She glared at him, and he almost laughed at her feisty attitude. April could always do that, make him laugh when there was nothing to laugh about. He shook his head, maybe if he had made her laugh more she wouldn't be questioning their friendship.

"Avery, you're going to be with Sloan today, we are going to be spread thin so you will be it, no back up until the surgeons from Portland get in," They followed Hunt as he headed out to the ambulance bay.

"Kepner I need you to grab a 4 portable surgical kits you are going to be going to the sight, your priority is to treeage and redirect, you have my authority to give orders as you see fit. You and Karev are the only ones who passed your trauma certification. You know the protocol right?" Hunt was doing his best to maintain control. They all needed him to be in control.

"I know the protocol, what does my team look like?" April was ready. She could do this, this is why she became a doctor. To be able to help in the moments like these.

"I paged them to the bay you will have 3 interns, thats all I can spare, you can brief them along the way." April nodded and went to grab the kits they would need.

Jackson and Hunt made it to the bay just as Webber began to talk to the surgical staff awaiting for the arrival of patients. The first ambulance came in and Dr. Webber automatically went for the cop who was gunned down.

"Hunt where is Kepner?" Sloan asked, hoping that she went home. Hoping that she wasn't there that day.

"I sent her to get the portable surgery kits, she is my only option for a field surgeon," Owen repeated it again for his own rationalization. "Mark she was my only option."

Mark knew that the ginger was right. They need Karev for a peds case that the ambulance called in about, and April was the only other resident with the certification and organization skills it would take to treeage at the sight. Mark nodded. "I know that. She can do it, it just sucks."

Jackson listened wondering why the man had suddenly become a champion of April Kepner. Mark wasn't over Lexi. there was no way that he was interested in April Kepner. Not that no one would ever like April, but _Mark and April_, it just didn't make any sense.

He watched as April came outside pushing a cart full of kits. Two of the interns assigned to her grabbed all of them and made their way into the now empty ambulance. " , I have talked with Olympia Childrens Hospital, and Tacoma General. They are both sending me available first years and residents. It's not going to be many but the extra hands will be helpful."

"Nice thinking Dr. Kepner, we will be ready for you." Hunt was very pleased with her quick thinking.

"Also If you could have someone call the blood bank and have someone meet me on sight with all the O-neg they can get me. If thats okay with you." She was even timid within her demands. But as Jackson observed he thought it was cute, well cuter than normal. He always thought she was cute. He didn't even register that they had another patient arrive as he watched April get into the ambulance and drive away.

* * *

><p>As they got closer to downtown Seattle April could see the nerves of the interns on their faces. She briefed them on the protocol and now they would be arriving in just minutes. "This isn't something you can prepare for guys." April found herself breaking the silence.<p>

"You can try and try to prepare for this, but it doesn't matter until you get there. Tension will be high. Fear will be written on everyones faces. Everyone will be emotional; including yourself. Your job today is maintain your head and not to panic. Do your job. Thats all I want you to do. If you need help, tell me, if it's over your head, tell me, it you can't handle this, tell me. Don't try to be a hero." The ambulance stopped. "Follow me."

The pack of surgeons ran out of the ambulance. They were met by the group of medical personnel from other hospitals April was able to scrounge up before they left the hospital.

As Seattle PD officers joined them April was shown the area she had to work with, the people who had been shot before the gunman could enter the building, and the people they had managed to recover from the first floor. She could do this. She took a breathe, "I need three stations set up. One superficial and flesh wounds . The second is for those who are stable but leaning towards a more serious bullet wounds, excluding heavy blood loss. The third is for those who are in critical, if you're not sure talk to each other. " Her team nodded at her.

"I want at least one resident at every station, and at least two on station three. Two interns at each as well. Everyone else needs to focus on assessing and bringing people to our stations. I'll be rotating around and setting up open lines of communication with the hospitals in our area. If you need something tell me, right away. We don't have room for mistakes or hesitation. Let's Go."

They followed her. They all swallowed their emotions, they all battled with their own fear. They allowed themselves to be lead into battle by the redhead that none of the could question. The one who seemed to be the fearless.

* * *

><p>"You imbecile, I don't need you to call your precious superviser, you see I am a surgeon, not an intern but a third year resident, and I have got this. I just need you to leave me alone." Cristina could do this. She just needed her space.<p>

"What do we have Cristina?" April walked up to the asian as she quickly assessed the situation.

"They sent you Kepner, god why couldn't they send someone who is at least competent." Her tone dripped disdain.

"Do the procedure or move Yang."

"How would you know what he needs Kepner. Just back off." Cristina wasn't even impressed by the fact that she knew he needed a thoracotomy. April saw the hesitation in Yang's eyes and didn't even flinch she reached for her scalpel.

"Officer," she yelled for the woman in blue. "get this _civilian _out of my way." Yang was in shock as she was pulled away from the man that was bleeding out of his chest. Kepner had ordered her away. She watched in silence anticipating the moment were April would mess up and have to call his time of death.

April didn't hesitate, she called for an intern as she continued to work on the man on the ground. She knew Cristina was watching her but she didn't care. She didn't have time to placate her into doing a field surgery, he didn't have time for April to indulge in Cristina's ego. The intern joined her and then she cracked his chest, she went on to tell him how to maintain pressure on the heart. "They're taking you to Seattle Grace, let Dr. Altman know exactly what I had to do in the field, the thoracotomy and the cracked chest. It's important. He should make it to the hospital, unless he codes don't try to do anything else to the heart."

"Cristina if you still want to help, go to the middle tent. That the one place that I can't be that could use someone that knows what they are doing. If you can't do that then get out of the way, we don't have time for hesitation." April left before Cristina could say anything. Before getting to her station Cristina had to admit that Kepner, at the moment, was a _badass._

* * *

><p>"Sloan I need you resident. I have someone who's in critical on there way from the sight and Hunt got called in on something. I need Avery." Teddy ran into OR were Sloan had been doing an ear reconstruction. He could only imagine how much it would hurt to be fucking shot in the ear. He only hoped that the patient could have his hearing restored after this.<p>

"Take him, do we have an update on how they are doing at the field?" Mark asked hoping that they wouldn't be receiving more victims.

"They have all but one of the gunman in custody and all but the top floor of the building has been cleared. This won't be much longer." She hoped. Mark nodded to Avery and together him and left the OR.

"What do we have?" They barely beat the ambulance to the bay.

They were shocked to see that an intern was coming out with their hand on the patients chest. " had to perform an emergency thoracotomy in the field. We also had to crack his chest. She told me to tell you exactly that. That she had to crack his chest." was floored. April, who claimed to have no interest in cardio was able to do an emergency heart procedure with success. Jackson almost smiled, Apil was good. Better than anyone realized.

Jackson could tell that the intern was emotional."What's your name?" Jackson wanted him to be calmer. They needed him in on this surgery.

"Shane Ross" He was struggling just to move his feet.

"Shane you did really well. this guy is alive because you held his heart," that had Shane smiling. Jackson sighed with relief, while mouthed thank you to him.

"It was all . was there in her street clothes trying to do it, and literally made her shut up and get out of the way, I may be in love." He continued to ramble on.

"Join the club,"he didn't even register the statement, he was so focused. But Teddy heard. She forced herself to forget it, but not before a smile touched her lips at the thought of April being loved.

"_No ones loved me yet"_

A/N: It just came out! It just felt so right. I feel like I need to say that though April being raped is really important, the focus is more on her coming into her own in the face of tragedy. Plus its a love story . Let me know what you think and what you're ideas are :) :) xoxo


	6. Mama Bear

A/N Sorry for missing last week guys!

"Did you do your homework ?" Her therapist had been very understanding about April missing her last appointment. The shooting was all over the news, so when Mark Sloan called to inform her that April was in the field, she called to check in. It had been 3 days since then, and Amy thought that an emergency session was in order.

"Yes, and again I am so sorry about missing you the other day." April started to sweat as she saw Amy writing on her note pad. Amy smiled sweetly at her and told her she understood the demand of being an in demand doctor.

"So what were your observations about this week?" In the recent weeks Amy had found that April was determined to move past this. Which was good to a certain extent. April was intelligent and aware so their sessions together were rarely emotional. The concern came when April tried to shrug off her tragedy, and when she became self deprecating. This would take time, and having sessions be mandatory by orders of her boss, they would in time get through this.

"I got mad at someone, like really angry. I am really identifying with anger right now," April paused. Amy wasn't fooled, she sighed internally. Last week April told her that she only wanted to be home. She said she wanted to be _isolated. _ April knew the right answers. She was trying to tell herself what to feel, and while she was trying to think rationally, there was no guideline on how to deal with this. Amy looked at her patient as she struggled with her next words. Amy kept her face neutral.

April shifted uncomfortably, while playing with the crucifix around her neck. "I, I um let someone touch me." It came out in a whisper, as though she felt wrong for her to admit this. When Amy nodded at her to continue April felt slightly more comfortable. "I threw up and someone pulled my hair back. Jackson, he rubbed my back. It didn't feel wrong. But then when Teddy tried to hug me later it made me want to scream."

"How does that make you feel?" Amy was pleased that April was willing to mention this., and the cliché question was just enough to induce rambling.

"It makes me feel mad. It makes me feel relieved. It makes me feel like Jackson may actually care. I mean I have always loved Jackson, and knowing that he cares about me as a friend makes me feel so elated. The thing though is that he shouldn't care, I mean he is so perfect and the fact that he feels like he has to offer me friendship sucks. I wish hewould just stop. It would make dealing with my feelings easier."

Amy nodded her head, "One sided love is a bitch." April couldn't hold her giggles in as Amy smirked and continued to write.

"I think that we have had enough for the day."

"But we have only been here for 20 minutes. I thought we had an hour session?" Amy wasn't shocked by Aprils desire for a schedule. She seemed like she had a type A personality, and, not for the first time she wished that she could have known April before the incident.

"I know, but today was just a stand in, we will have our regular appointment in a couple of days."

April left the office and decided to go into the coffee shop next door to wait for her ride. She rolled her eyes. Mark had been serious when he told her no more busses. Between him and Teddy, April was only ever truly alone when she was at her apartment. As she ordered her skinny latte April imagined how she was going to decorate for Christmas. April had decided after the shooting to not go to Ohio for the holiday. Though she promised her mother that she would attend mass. This was an important year of residency and she had already felt like she had been distracted enough, Christmas in Ohio was not a good idea.

Apil felt slightly dizzy as she took a seat, she was dehydrated again. She knew she had been doing a lousy job at taking care of herself and resolved to do more, it wasn't that she hadn't been trying; she was doing well. Last week she had finally made it to the sporting goods store to buy pepper spray, Miranda took her. It had been fun, kind of. Mark was going to take her driving on their next day off, which she was looking forward to. She had even joined a book club at the YMCA. April was finally feeling like she had all of her ducks in a row.

April felt good as she finished her coffee. _I could do it, _April told herself . It was Thursday. April knew that she had been deflecting, but she also knew that dwelling on what had happened would bear no fruit. She realized what had been taken from her, she wasn't an idiot. April just wanted to move on. She wanted to take something back. As she looked longingly out the window to the bus stop, she made decision. _Reed would get her Thursdays back._

* * *

><p>"Spill." Callie had known that something was up. He had been fishy for weeks. Mark had always been emotional, but lately he had been extra moody. "What did Grey do this time?"<p>

"Nothings wrong." Mark knew that if he told Callie she would keep it a secret, but part of Mark felt like it would be betrayal to tell her about April's rape. They had made progress though. It would work out. Kepner was strong. He repeated this as a mantra over and over in his head, preparing for when April needed to hear it.

Callie glared at her best friend as his phone rang. Still mad at him she swiped his iphone off the table, "Hello. Kepner?" The last thing that the orthopedic surgeon had expected was to hear a panicking April Kepner on the other line. Marks head shot up as he went to lunge at the phone. Callie stepped back to quickly though.

"April, sweetheart, I need you to breathe for me. Listen to my voice. Deep breaths, you're doing great sweetheart. I am on my way to you right now. Me and Mark we're coming,can you tell me where you are? It's OK if you can't, just keep breathing." The latino woman took control of the situation quickly, she managed to silently give Mark orders and he quickly went to the nurses station to turn in their pagers for the rest of the evening. He called it a family emergency. Grabbing her car keys she was already running to her car.

Callie slid into the passenger seat as Mark took her keys and started the car. Covering up the mouthpiece she whispers to Mark, "All I am getting is Reed, bus, and thursday. She is hysterical Mark." Callie didn't understand what was going on, but she had managed to remain cool and calm as she talked to April.

"So I heard that you grew up on a farm. Thats cool. I was a city girl, grew up in San Diego. Hey, maybe we could take a trip there. We could stay at my parent's beach house. Things have been better with them lately, and since you're catholic Mama will love you. She will try to fatten you up. Which would be great, you have been looking thin and you look like you could use a few extra meals. And some sun. Thats it, I am booking our tickets as we speak." April's breathing had finally calmed down enough to speak clearly, as Callie forced a laugh.

"Sun sounds good." Callie was serious. They could both use the trip, April was already making plans. They could even stop in LA and visit Addy. Callie didn't know what was going on with Kepner, but Callie wasn't about to let the hospital loose someone else important. She was confused as Mark pulled into a cemetery. Then Callie saw the hunched over figure next to a grave, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"April, we are pulling up beside you now. Do you see us?"

"Yes," April mumbled breathlessly in response. Mark told Callie to get into the back seat and wait as he got out of the car to get April. She met him halfway.

Mark was silent as he led April to car, internally grateful to have Torres with him. While he knew that he could manage without her, he thought that in some ways, Callie would be perfect for her. Plus she was strong, she could take this without breaking. He opened the passenger door for April. She looked at him before opening the back seat door.

April knew that in that moment that she was broken. Truly broken. No matter how she tried to fake it, it was still there lurking. No one was more surprised than her when she launched herself into Callie's arms and began to weep. Mark shut the doors and began to drive away.

Callie hadn't asked, she didn't need to, because as soon as April had herself under control, she started to talk, and couldn't stop.

"_It didn't happen at the cemetery. It's not a straight route from the hospital to where Reed is buried. I didn't realize how shady the area was until I was there at night. I got scared and didn't have my cell phone. There was a payphone across the street though."_

"_I was going to call Jackson. Now I can't even look at him. There was a knife. I felt it against my back, as he pushed me into an alley. It smelt like rain and fuel, I won't ever forget that smell. I didn't fight back. When he had me get on my knees, I thought that was all he was going to make me do. I prayed that that was it. I thought that if I didn't fight that it would be over. But then he pushed me up against the wall Callie. And it hurt, I tried to get away but he me pushed against a wall."_

"_I tried Callie, I tried so hard, but he wouldn't stop thrusting. It hurt. I don't know if it will ever stop hurting."_

Mark winced as he heard the story for the second time. Though he acknowledged to himself that what was happening in that moment was progress.

Callie was shocked as she held the sobbing red head. April Kepner was not catching a break. Her own tears flowing over as she continuously hailed Mary out loud. April shook, and as she heard Callie's mumbled prayers, she breathed. Relishing in the warmth that Callie's hold offered.

**PS-There will be no Arizona in this story... She annoys me, I might bring someone in for Callie though. Let me know!**


End file.
